


why can’t i die

by honeyygum



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Loneliness, Mentioned Wilbur Soot, No proof read, Platonic Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, i want people to cry, tommy misses wilbur and tubbo, tubbo is dead lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29456406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyygum/pseuds/honeyygum
Summary: the lingering loneliness left tommy tired and aching. his bones and muscles aches for something other than the hard obsidian floor and walls. despite the bubbling heat from the lava around him- he felt.. cold...au where dream actually kills tubbo in the vault and tommy gets sent to prison
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Tubbo & Tommyinnit
Kudos: 49





	why can’t i die

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh- i wrote this a few days ago but i finally decided to edit it a bit and post it cause why not. i don’t consider myself a great writing but i like writing angst and pain because it’s fine lol. it’s also short and not proof read but oh well, my twitter is @/honeyygum i also draw :D

cold- he felt cold again. his body shivering and memories of that fateful night replayed in his mind. The prison walls felt suffocating, the stupid clock that sat on the wall besides the desk filled to the brim with empty books; something to keep him busy while he wallows in the prison for eternity. The past memories of tubbo were burned in his mind; his best friend; someone he vowed to protect, dying by tommy’s own actions and he hated himself for it. the sight of dream stabbing tubbo was one he would never forget and yet tubbo held a small smile to the moment he passed- he looked complete, he felt as though he did what he must and it was his time to go. If tommy could go back in time; he’d trade his life for tubbo- tubbo didn’t deserve it; he was an optimistic kid with a bright fate that was crushed by the adults who were supposed to guide and help him. he became a war veteran at the ripe age of 13 and lost one of his own precious lives fighting for a country that in now a giant crater, a shattered broken shadow of its former self.

he didn’t deserve it yet he was prepared to die for tommy- he felt like he had succeeded in life despite being alive for only 17 years.

and there tommy sat; curled into the corner of his prison cell; despite the wall of lava in front of him, he still felt so very cold. he was exhausted, his body ready to give out underneath him and he would let it. he’d given up everything- there was nothing left to lose anymore- and when a man has never left to lose, he loses himself. Just like his older brother lost himself into a spiral of insanity and despair. tommy’s mind drifted into the world of dreams; a world where one should be happy. away from the constant suffering and agony he went through when he was conscious. 

yet the constant thought of tubbo didn’t leave him in his dream state instead he showed up- he always looked so happy during those dreams, all his worries washed away. they would continue life as though tubbo was alive- something tommy longs for- he longs for the feeling of friendship, the feeling of laughing until his cheeks hurt and all the pain was flushed away. sometimes even wilbur would show up and join them. the dreams that hurt tommy the most were the ones that were like flashbacks- were the ones in lmanberg living out their days to the best of their abilities in the young nation. a time he missed, no threat of death or war- the war had passed, sure he didn’t have his discs but he had a home. a place that finally felt like home.

the dreams made tommy never want to wake up- was it what the afterlife felt like? if it was just like his dreams he was more than willing to die. seeing tubbo smile as they watch over the sun the slowly set behind the large hill ahead, the old jukebox that slowly had grass growing around its base sat by their left- it was so peaceful, a time when life was nice. the pain of multiple wars and the trauma of seeing your abuser murder your best friend was gone, cleanly wiped away from his memory. instead replaced with this hazy fog that didn’t seem to go away. a time when he could sit on his bench, a large oak tree to their side giving them shade from the hot midday sun beaming down onto them. the jukebox played the familiar tune of ‘cat’. the song reminded him of his youth, despite the seemingly happy melody of a piano, it had a hidden undertone of emptiness. like loneliness was consuming him and swallowing him whole- it gave him a sense of nostalgia every time he listened to it. it made him want to cry bittersweet tears, the feelings of pain and sorrow mixing with the overwhelming joy and happiness that happened time from time.

but when morning came, and his drained weak body awoke to the familiar obsidian walls surrounding him. his cheeks were always stained with tears and his knees hugging his chest- “t-tubbo” his voice was no stronger than a whisper and full of all his empty emotion that engulfed his body like freezing cold water. only shallow whimpers and sobs accompanying the bubbling lava around his very own cell. now trapped and left to wallow in his own head; the warden watching his every move to make sure the poor traumatised teen doesn’t try and escape. he never did, it was pointless, trying to would only end in his death. maybe death was better, he could see tubbo… and wilbur again. his older brother and best friend to welcome him into the afterlife; why wasn’t he dead already. 

everything wanted him dead yet he was stuck in an infinite loop of not being able to die. he couldn’t seem to die. the afterlife was calling for him, ready for him to join them yet here he sat his body exhausted laying on the ground of the hard obsidian floor. it made his bones ache, he yearned for death. it wouldn’t come and he surely wasn’t about to die in this prison. the high tech security and the warden wouldn’t let him- he must stay alive. for a reason he couldn’t quite understand.

why couldn’t he seem to die.

why must he wake up.

why can’t he just die.


End file.
